Tag: Marriage

Getting married. Something better than “the best day of their life” (another reflection on marriage)

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Weddings are truly amazing and life changing events that define our lives forever – and for good reason. Indeed in a wedding a man and woman start their new life together, that in many ways reconciles so many of the challenges that confront them. Any differences are put aside, sorrows are consoled and the mundane routines of life give way to extraordinary events. It is no wonder that so many have the expectation that their wedding day is “the best day of their life”, and for good reason, as it is a celebration of a dynamic and transformative love!

The challenge that snares so many newly married couples (and married couples) is when that celebration of love that was their wedding day, is seen simply as a past event; isolated, and insulated from the present and future. In short there is a temptation to see their wedding as being just a moment in time, or a unique experience never to be repeated. For many people, the “best day of their life” is tragically just that; a day (albeit a special one).  

Once the party is over, the guests have gone home, and the wedding gown has been put in a protective garment bag; all those things that were reconciled in their wedding return. Differences again challenge their relationship, those sorrows return to weigh them down, and life returns to a mundane cycle of activities. Alas, this is the reason we still have so many divorces; and even more tragically, why so many men and women avoid getting married altogether. And who could blame them? Indeed if the expectation is that their wedding is going to be “the best day of their life”, then it stands to reason that nothing really will ever be better than that – or – that after the wedding, it is all downhill. 

Of course one only has to look at those who have been happily married for decades, to see that there is a different articulation of this expectation. Without taking anything away from the wonder that is one’s wedding day; understanding it as being “the best day to start their life,”is a context that recognises that  “the best day of their life” is the starting point for that shared dynamic and transformative love, to grow into even better days throughout their marriage!  I think this is one reason that the Lord’s first miracle was manifested at a wedding (Jn. 2:1-11). 

14th century Fresco of the Miracle at Cana, from the Visoki Dečani monastery, Serbia.

As we all know, at the wedding feast in Cana, when the wine ran out, the Lord was asked to do something by his beloved mother, to which He did, in spectacular fashion! At His instruction the servants of the wedding party filled six stone jars with water, and then poured out the finest wine. One can imagine the astonishment of the master of the feast when he tasted the wine and exclaimed,  “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!” (vs. 10). 

The miracle at this wedding – of the water turned to wine – expresses a theological principle about marriage; that as good as things are, even better things are yet to come. For what was shared at the wedding in Cana (and in every wedding) was the joyful and festive wine of humanity’s best intentions and desires.  Yet this wine as we know, ran out, just like any human endeavour (regardless of its good desires and intentions) being prone to bad days, broken circumstances, and selfishness.  But by God’s grace, what the Lord offered – and still offers at every wedding – was that of Himself – Love; for as St. John notes in his epistle “God is love” (1 Jn. 4:8). It is Himself that He changes the water of our finite and vacillating love, into the eternal and everlasting love of a new covenant – “the good wine.”  

The challenge that now lies before Evan and Anya (and all married couples) is to see something better than their wedding as being “best day of their life”. For they will have those bad days, broken circumstances, and selfish moments, that will make it seem like the wine they shared in the common cup was as tasteless as water, or worse, like a rancid and bitter imitation of what was once festive and joyful. 

But if Evan and Anya (and all married couples), with faith and love, strive to recognise the abiding presence of the Lord offered to them on their special day, and on each successive anniversary, and for that matter, in every day of their lives, it will be an even more bountiful and vigorous affirmation and witness of their love for each other and the world around them. For what they participated in at their wedding is truly holy, divine and eternal; transforming every aspect of their life from the inferior into the perfect, and the finite into the eternal. Indeed their shared love will be like that rich and strong “good wine” which the Lord offered in Cana, and even offers now. The wonder and miracle is that this wine will not only never run out, but like their sacrificial love, become unbelievably richer and stronger until the end of the ages! 

May God grant Evan and Anya many blessed years as they celebrate “the best way to start their life!”

Being at the start of everything new. (Reflection on marriage)

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By God’s grace and mercy, we will be celebrating the marriage of Andrew Hudson and Katrina Smith this Sunday afternoon.

Marriage in the Orthodox Church is a sacrament (mystery), and like all the sacraments in the Church, it is an act. Something good is offered to God, and the Lord acts to transform its goodness, so that it reveals something eternally good – something divine. It is a work of the Lord, who seeks to reconcile humanity, His “image” and ‘likeness” in Himself, with the unity and concord that humanity had with Him in the beginning.

It is good when a man and woman love each other, and promise to be with each other forever. Yet when that love for each other is offered sacramentally, it is transformed, manifesting that very same divine love that was intended for humanity from the very beginning. 

This is so beautifully expressed in the Orthodox sacrament of marriage. For the Lord acts to reconcile our estranged nature and our finite and fickle relationships, by sharing himself – mystically, with men and women in the sacrament of marriage, in a unity and communion of love, that offers an intimacy and closeness that is nothing less than the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit!

Indeed this unity is the context for Adam’s astonished exclamation “this is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh”  when he is presented with Eve (Gen. 2:23). This unity is expressed as being foundational in a marriage when the Lord says “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ … and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mk. 10:6-9) 

The wonder of this sacrament, is this act of the Lord in reconciling humanity as it was meant to be in the beginning, has in a kind of way, brought Andrew and Kat – as they begin of new life as being “one flesh” – back to Eden. Like Adam and Eve, they are starting anew in a whole world of wonder and blessings, sharing in that love, grace and communion for each other, and in the very divine grace of the Lord who walked with Adam and Eve in paradise. 

Of course Andrew and Kat (and all of us) don’t live in paradise (although Winnipeg isn’t so bad), yet as with Adam and Eve, the Lord has put both Andrew and Kat “in a garden” (Gen. 2:8) that is rich and lush, lacking nothing in there unbounding love for the Lord and each other. And as the Lord commanded Adam and Eve to “Be fruitful and multiply”and “subdue” the chaos of creation, both of them are given that very same vocation’; to cultivate and grow this “garden” of their love, in the chaos of our broken and confused world, with the tools of mercy, peace, patience and sacrifice. 

This is hard work, but so is marriage. This is why we should remember them always, and especially on this day. That by the grace of the Holy Spirit, and by our prayers, the Kingdom of Heaven and the restoration of humanity, manifested in their marriage, might not only protect them; blunting the demonic attacks of the evil one; but also strengthen them as they participate in, and share in the Lord’s saving work, to save the world.

Truly may Andrew and Kat (and all those who are married) be inspired to hold fast to this vocation, and the  “grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit”, as they begin this new life in this sacrament of unity and love. A divine life revealed in their marriage, as at the beginning in Eden. A divine life in their marriage, as revealed at the beginning of every day of their lives, with grace and love shared with each other, and the world around them. A divine life in their marriage, as being at the beginning of a new life in the Kingdom when the Lord comes in His glory. A divine life as being at the start of everything new!

May the Lord grant Andrew and Katrina many blessed years!

St. Xenia and the true purpose of marriage.

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This past weekend we  commemorated one of the most beloved and revered Saints of Russia, whose veneration has spread now throughout the Orthodox world; the blessed Xenia of St. Petersburg. What is remarkable about her, is that she was one of those Holy fools for Christ, whose life and actions if experienced now in our own communities, would be considered totally insane, not anything to be associated with the ordered and richly adorned Church, let alone society. But if we dig a little into what makes a fool “Holy” we see that those like St. Xenia, profoundly reveals the richness of God’s love. 

St. Xeina’s journey to sanctity has its start -so to speak- with her marriage to a rising star in the Russian Army, Andrew Petrov, and a life of privilege and status in their future. Yet as their marriage began to bloom it was shaken by the tragedy of Andrew’s sudden death with friends during an evening of drinking and games, without good-bye’s and without preparation of repentance. 

Our blessed Xenias’ life was turned upside down in the grief of losing her beloved, and losing him in such a manner. She started to sell her estate, giving proceeds to the poor of St. Petersburg despite the protests of her family. She clothed herself in her husband’s uniform, and would only answer to his name. She would walk the streets of St. Petersburg, sleeping outside, labouring with others or in secret for others, rejecting the hospitality of those wanting to help her, or giving any charity received to others in greater need. She prophesied, and interceded for those who came to her seeking guidance and help; she prayed, and performed miracles, all on behalf of her departed husband.  All she would ask is that they would turn to God, and say a Panikhida (memorial) for her departed beloved. 

Strangely this devotion to her departed husband is something that is generally overshadowed by the many wonders she performed, and her proclamation of the Lord’s saving love. Certainly she is the patron of those in need, especially for those seeking homes and employment. But I would add to this  that she is in many respects a patron of marriage. 

In every marriage the love between husband and wife is generally manifested by the mutual offering of emotional and material support of the other. Despite everyone’s best efforts, the daily challenges of life (work, kids, chores, ect.)  can strain a relationship and especially its love. In it all we tend to forget that husband and wife have been brought together in Christ. For each other’s salvation in a  mystery and divine vocation, it  reconciles in Christ, the amenity between men and women brought on by the sin of humanity’s fall. It is a union that  reveals the Lord of Glory in one’s home; it reveals true love. 

St. John the Theologian speaks catecorgily that “God is love” (1 Jn. 4:8), and that the love shared between husband and wife expresses this love in the mystery of marriage, as a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church (Eph. 5:21-33). The tragedy St. Xenia losing her husband indeed purified her love (Ps. 66:10) revealing the source of the love, the Lord.

This is the point; that all that our blessed Xenia did, was out of love for the salvation of her husband. Her wearing his uniform, answering only to his name, doing good works for his salvation, and asking for prayers for him, speak volumes to her love of Andrew Petrov. Perfected with the mercy of God.

The question is, whether husbands and wives can be like St. Xenia; prioritizing the sole purpose of marriage. The salvation of each other, in life and even in death. Are we poor for our spouse’s salvation, do we fast for our spouse’s salvation, do we pray for our spouse’s salvation, do we offer charity for our spouse’s salvation, and profoundly, are we humble for our spouse’s salvation?

Indeed, it is well and good that husbands and wives  offer emotional and material support to the other, out of love. But those things which are seen, and valued by the world as being “sane” are ultimately transitory, limited by sin and eventually by death. The offering of a spouse to the other  for their salvation in contrast, participates in the eternal and uncreated love of the Trinity, that not even death can tarnish or end. St. Xenia’s devotion of love for her husband’s salvation was in the eyes of the world very  “insane”. Yet she has shown us the only thing that matters in marriage; the love of God. This might be the only thing that keeps a marriage “sane” in a very insane and broken world. 

By the prayers of our beloved Mother Xenia, may our marriages be strengthened by the love of God, poured into our hearts by the grace of the Holy Spirit, and that our love for each other might be perfected and transformed from that of simple biology and sociology, to that which is of God, unending and eternal love revealed here and now, and in the Kingdom of Heaven.